I have The Little Mermaid stuck in my head. It may be because of the giant photo I posted on our stairs of Hailey, Carly and Ariel, or that I was just watching the movie…
It’s actually a very good part of the song considering what this blog is going to be about. I found this article today and I feel like it speaks volumes to us:
So part of the story, I agree with. The thing that irritates me about the article is that I feel like the lady is trying to compare people judging her for her choice not to have a child to what people who are homosexual are dealing with, like it’s the same…and it’s not. You don’t have people calling you names, threatening you, murdering you because you’ve chosen not to have a child, so it’s not really a fair comparison. That’s like saying my struggles with my weight are similar to the struggles of someone who is gay, which is a really big stretch.
However, I agree with the points that she has made. Brett and I are not kid people. While we adore our nieces and love being around them, we are just as glad when they go home and their parents have to deal with them full-time. It’s not that we don’t like kids, just neither one of us really has any sort of parental instincts or desires.
That’s not to say it hasn’t been considered, but there comes a point where you realize you are just talking about something you are never going to act on. At first, we said after we had been married a year, then it was after the house was fixed up, then after we went to Rome, then after we did some of our major repairs and now it’s after we go to Ireland. But after Ireland, we’ve talked about going to Costa Rica for my 30th birthday, so it would have to be after Costa Rica. Something will likely come up after Costa Rica.
We just enjoy being with each other, not being tied down to obligations (we have the dogs, but we can either leave them at home, board them or tell my dad we are doing something and it takes him about 2 seconds to ask if he can have them for that time period). Kids are so much responsibility and work, the only upside is that if Willow were a child, she’d be like 3 years by now and could tell me why she is constantly crying…our kid likely wouldn’t eat cat poop either, though I can’t guarantee that.
Unlike the lady in the post, we’ve never made it a point to go out of our way and tell people we aren’t having children, but since we got married, it’s been asked of us a lot. We’ve been told “you’ll change your minds” and “everyone goes through this phase”. Brett and I have been together almost 10 years, that’s 10 years worth of chances to have a child and we haven’t yet.
On the flip side, one of Brett’s friends told me not that long after we moved into the house that I was being selfish by not providing Brett a child, that it was my duty as a wife to take care of him and have his children. He was dead serious about it too. When I told Brett, he laughed, mainly because of who it was that said that and then asked why I needed to provide him a child when we both know if we had one, I’d be the one taking care of it.
I also see the woman’s point about careers. I don’t have my Masters to be a stay at home mom. I got it because I wanted to make a career for myself, I wanted to be someone important and independent. I don’t feel like I have hit the important stage yet. Eventually, likely when we move to TN, I want to go back to school and get my PhD and start working with people more. I’ve even thought about going back into a different field, most of my credits will transfer for a bachelors, and I can continue on to get my Master’s and PhD in counseling. The other side of that is that I don’t feel like I currently have time to be raising a child, I have so many other things that I am doing, I don’t feel like I have enough time to spend with my dogs (though I get the majority of my personal time with them in the morning between when Brett leaves for work and I have to get up, and it’s a very special time for us…except Willow how would rather spend her time trying to tear up more of my carpet).
Last year, we received mail addressed to The Shady Bunch and I cannot tell you how thoroughly offended I was; Brett thought I was overreacting to it until someone else pointed out that they would be offended by it as well. Just because there are only two of us, does not mean we need to be addressed as a bunch. Technically it should have been addressed to Mr. and Mrs. or our first names. However, we are no less of a family than anyone else, even if we lack children. Family isn’t defined by the number of people, it’s people who love and support each other and it could be anywhere from 2 to an infinite amount of people. We are no less of a family just because we don’t have children…though we do have Jack, Willow and Bailey.
We just aren’t ready to change our lives, and it’s a massive, life altering change. The more we talk about it, the more we realize that though we may want a kid at times, it’s really not part of who we are and probably not something we ever will be. And that’s fine, because ultimately it is our lives and as much as certain people want to make decisions for us, it’s no ones business but our own what we choose to do.